Stuff Black People Like

Church - I don’t care how late they stay out the night before, there is a breed of black folks who will ALWAYS find their way to the house of the Lord on Sunday morning. They will show up to church wrinkled, reeking of booze, with not a dollar for offering in sight. But they’ll be there. I have seen grown men sleep through the ENTIRE church service. *SMH* We do not care. As long as we make it. A lot of Black churches have a “come as you are” policy, so you see people wearing things that were never supposed to see the inside of a sanctuary. I once went to church in mismatched shoes. They were both white, patent leather - which counts for something. But they were most certainly not the same shoe. I didn’t notice until I had gotten bored with the sermon and glanced towards the floor. But hey, I was there!

Their Mama - Black people become enraged lunatics if anyone talks about their mothers or grandmothers. You can do almost anything you please, but nobody better not talk about my momma! I’ve seen more fights than I care to remember that started with 2 words: YO MOMMA. But, black folks love to talk about other people’s mothers! Go figure.

Obliterating the English Language - *deep sigh* One bad apple…some black people refuse to speak proper English. Almost as if they’ve never taken a grammar class in their life. Black people will make up words, shorten words - you name it. I am going to entertain you with an example: “I’m finna go to da sto cause we posed to have a party tonight, Lil’ Jay and ‘nem prolly coming…so we gotta get some pacific things cause he picky ‘bout what he is and ain‘t gon‘ eat”. *blinks*


Education - Black people love education. Whether it’s their’s or someone else’s. We love to talk about what college someone is going to attend and how much scholarship money they’re receiving. And if it’s a “full ride” well, we are just outdone. Maybe it is all the drama those who came before us had to endure just to have the right to the same education as others. Maybe it is because a mind is a terrible thing to waste. Maybe it’s because we know we don’t have a snowballs chance in hell without it. I’m not quite sure what it is, but black folks love to be caught matriculating at a university!

The President - Now, let’s not get crazy. I am not saying all black folks love Obama. Most do though. Just when we thought the American Dream may not be available in black AND white, here it is in living color. Obama is a father, a husband, a ridiculously intelligent, ivy league educated black man and he is cooler than a summer breeze. Show me a black woman alive that doesn’t want him as a father, husband, mentor, brother, or friend….and I will show you…well, Jennifer. LOL. We do not judge Obama using the same scale as the rest of the world. To black folks, Obama had won…long before he’d actually won. Don’t act like we like him just cause he’s black…we like Clinton too now! And although he never made it to the presidency, I liked Al Gore back in his day. I mean…he did invent the internet after all. *giggles*

Free Stuff - Words cannot express how much black people love getting things for free. It could be something black folks don’t want, don’t like, are allergic to, or never even heard of. It can be broken, outdated, missing pieces, etc. If we see any use for it (not just the intended purpose), we will gladly take it off your hands. But don’t think you can give us just any old thing now. Let’s be clear. It has to invoke a sense of passion, retain some sort of perceived value. Black folks are picky with their free stuff. You know the saying beggers can’t be choosers? They weren’t talking about black ones. We’re quite choosey with our freebies!


Black Movies - Man oh man. Black people flock to the theater when a black movie is out the way non church going black folks flock to church on CME (Christmas, Mother’s Day and Easter). We like to get a little buzz going on how good the movie is supposed to be, who’s in the movie, etc. approximately 3 months before it’s released. Once a black movie hits theaters, we like to complain about how it is only playing at a limited # of theaters throughout the city and only 4 shows a day. In the movie, we may clap, sing along with any music, and talk through the entire movie. But if there is a black movie coming out, you better believe we will be there (unless we can get it on bootleg - which is something else we are fond of). Oh, we will also settle for a non-African American movie that happens to have black folks in it. For instance, I am currently hyping up the new Disney cartoon that is coming out featuring….wait for it…Disney’s 1st black princess. *awwww*

Living Above Their Means - I’ve seen it time and time again. We love to live above our lot in life. We even have a name for it…ballin’. Black folks will have the new Gucci loafers but no rent money. We will pull up in the baddest car, but be living with our mommas (guilty!). We will do whatever we need to do, to get whatever we want…it matters not whether it is out of our league or within our budget. Lights or the new Louis? Meh, you can have electricity any old time…cop the purse! *SMH*


Shuffles - We love to dance. And the best dancing is done in large, synchronized groups known as shuffles. You may be familiar with the Harlem, Cupid or PV. They are kind of like the boot scootin’ boogie but with rhythm white people. We really like to shuffle at weddings, birthday parties, and family reunions. It is almost a rite of passage for us. When you turn 13, you learn the Harlem Shuffle. I challenge you to find one black person who doesn’t know how to shuffle…