Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick

Like most people, I’ve always looked at Scott Disick as nothing more than the King of Douches. But, I’m not gonna lie…ever since Kourtney and Kim decided to take New York…Scott has been growing on me like a fungus. Yes, I admit it…I have been secretly falling for this dude. He’s charming (in an asshat kind of way), an exquisite dresser, and actually pretty witty. I thought it best to keep quiet…as my feelings for him were transforming from disgust to quasi-admiration. But, after seeing the “Dream a Little Dream” episode of KKTNY, I can no longer contain myself. Ten minutes into the episode I fell head over heals for Scott Disick. I luh he. And I don’t care who knows! The episode was sprinkled with a bit of this and a bit of that (like Kim’s delusional dive into the recording studio/music industry) but the main attraction was Scott..and….(wait for it)….HIS CANE.

When questioned by a member of the illustrious Stalkerazzi about what the next BIG thing in men’s fashion would be, Scott answered with three little words: the walking stick. Onlookers will tell you, it was love at first sight betwinxt Scott and his stick. Throughout the episode, Scott and his beloved cane were seen strolling through the streets of New York City, at home cozying up by the fire, and spending a plethora of quality time together. Taking a page out of her sister Kim’s book, Kourtney became insanely jealous when Scott’s stick started receiving more attention than her. As any mature woman would, Kourtney decided to hide the stick. Of course, being separated from his cane set Scott into a panic. After searching high and low, then calmly threatening to toss Kourtney’s expansive/impressive shoe collection out with the trash…Scott and his stick were quickly reunited. Me thinketh the reconciliation of Scott and his walking stick in super slo-mo, with Leanne Rimes‘ How Do I Live playing softly in the background, was definitely in order. The producers clearly didn’t feel the same.

In any event, the only things better than Scott and his cane playing an impromptu game of indoor stickball together, were the unforgettable statements he made regarding his amazing stick. I have taken the liberty of listing my favorites here, David Letterman style. They appear in order from awesome to ass-tastic and are as follows:

5. “My cane has gone missing…it’s obvious who took it”

4. “I don’t go anywhere without my cane, you know that”

3. “What did the cane ever do to you?”

2. “My stick!! I’m back”

1. “My great granddaddy was a pimp”

If Scott’s walking stick isn’t given a spotlight in the intro of the show, there is no justice in this world. I bet the walking stick has a better singing voice than Kim anyway.