The Hills are Alive with The Sound of Repugnance

Enlisting Lauren Conrad’s nemesis Kristin Cavallari as her replacement on The Hills sounds splendid…in theory. In heavily scripted reality? Not so much. Kristin is the anti-Lauren. Currently MIA: fancy threads, nifty accessories, commendable 9 to 5, trendy hair do’s, much needed make up, and a real purpose for being “in LA for the summer“. Mtv, I’ve kept a watchful eye on the show’s blog on your site and I’m here to tell you, viewers are not amused.

You cannot replace a Chanel totting, Versace clad, Monolo Blahnik prancing, trend setting glamazon with Kristin Rough Around the Edges Cavallari and foresee a pleasurable outcome. Give us a little credit Mtv. We’re actually thinking while watching television. Crazy huh?

Admittedly, Kristin’s shock value is several notches higher than Lauren’s, but that’s what we had Spencer for. We didn’t need a disagreeable heroine. Gripe #210: Kristin’s sole henchmen is “Stacey the bartender”. *roles eyes* These wenches do not know each other Mtv. Do you think we’re stupid? The Hills has always had a propensity towards faux reality, but come on. I can coherently entertain why Kristin would have been at Speidi’s wedding and the thank God our marriage survived the honeymoon bash, but there’s no viable reason Kristin would be in any other social situation we’ve caught her in thus far. She hasn’t seen Lo since they left Laguna High - and they were anything but friends then. She dated Brody, which is how she knows Spencer, Frankie, and could possibly know She Pratt. But would an alleged “maneater” be hanging with her ex and his entourage? Me thinketh not.

This was not well planned out Mtv. You couldn’t even finagle an interesting employment opportunity for Kristin? You were so excited to run around proclaiming “the bitch is back” that you didn’t even have time to create a believable plot line? Don’t give me that look. We know you got Whitney Port her job at DVF for your snoozer of a spin off, The City. If the show is going to be Reality Lite, at least make it entertaining. I’m so disappointed in you, Mtv. When Lauren grew tired of the cameras, you should’ve concluded the show. You’ve cheapened it by bringing Kristin in to pinch hit for Lauren. Kristin has managed to squander away Lauren's legacy in just 3 episodes with her unbridled knack for tackiness. I was holding off on unleashing this ether, for what appeared to be Jade plunging a swig of vodka in Kristin’s face. But this was merely smoke and mirrors. Mtv tried to bide some time with the trickery of editing. Now that last week’s episode exposed the naked truth behind that farce, I’m done.

Grand opening, grand closing. The Hills is a sinking ship. Lo, Brody, and Audrina please grab the nearest life preserver and abort! Mtv, why don’t you shows some music videos in that timeslot? Remember those?