Amber Rose: An Ode to Ambivalence

She's bold, she's crass...her boobs are too big and she has too much @$$. She chain smokes. Her boyfriend is a jerk (when the cameras are rolling). And she is quite possibly the only woman in history to have a spread in a high fashion magazine bent over in a pair of daisy dukes. You can typically catch her rocking a suit...sadly, not a three piece...she seems to  prefer birthday or cat. She must have stock in spandex. It's all she owns. She wears glasses at night, thongs to the beach, and white contacts on the red carpet. She doesn't mind being photographed in cages, a full frontal squat, on all fours, or taking a bottle of Hennessey to the head. She has too many tattoos and not enough hair. She used to be a lesbian but I guess Ye really doesn't care (he did say he'd do anything for a blonde dike...and she'd do anything for the limelight). Some days I think Kanye exploits the girl, other days I am certain she is exploiting herself! She has mastered the art of being seen and not heard. When was the last time (or first time for that matter) you have heard her utter a word? She's all wrong...but it seems so right. Despite the fact that she is Stripclub Chic...for some unexplainable reason...WE LOVE THIS GIRL. I am not sure when it happened. Definitely not sure how. But the world has stopped to smell the Amber Roses. Smells like Teen Spirit...with a dash of desperation. Or maybe a little like S-e-x Panther.  I love how Kanye takes her to fashion week in Paris...dresses her up in evening gowns...lets her rub elbows with the elite...but she always manages to make her way back to the gutter. It's so Pretty Woman of them.  If she ever has to choose between the pole and the high life, I hope Amber Rose takes the fairytale!