Dating Pool: Feel Like a Swim?

The white ladies at work sometimes stop and stare in amazement. The bold ones will walk over and ask. Why aren’t you married? After a moment I compose myself. But not before they fire off a few more. When are you getting married? How long have you been dating him? Oh, I bet you will get a ring for Christmas. You think so? *deep sigh*. That’s when I have to break it down for the white women. Three reasons why I do so…one because I know they don’t get it…two because they need to know that it’s hard out here for a pimp (pimp = sistah in this scenario)…and three, nothing sends a white person running like a good conversation about cultural differences. I keed, I keed.

But I have told almost every white woman who has asked, the haps on why they probably know at least 5 drop dead gorgeous, educated, sweet, funny, SINGLE black females. I start with the stats. White people like a good # to take back to the other white folks who may be wondering the same. Okay, you have a pool of black men. *drools*…wait…let’s get back on track...let me clarify this is a dating pool, not swimming pool. But, before you get to your dating pool, you have to look at black men as a whole. There are two categories black men can fall into…eligible bachelors and girl please, not even if he was the last brother on earth. Well, honestly sometimes these categories get meshed and you end up thinking a girl please man is an eligible bachelor. But we do not have enough time or space to go into that right now. I like to jump straight into it for the white girls…so I usually open with this…”so, you have a large portion of black men who are in jail”. Don’t be mad black people...you know it’s true. I just keep it real with the white girls. Now, unless you were involved before they were incarcerated and you are going to wait this thing out, my guess is these dudes typically fall in the latter of the two groups. However, there is generally no need for explanation after the white women hear “jail”. Most of the time, they nod sympathetically. Next I say, “Then you have the openly gay men”. I say openly gay cause there is another group of “gay man”…that’s when I tell them about the DL – aka dudes we think are suspect. Some of them are already well versed on “the DL” thanks to Oprah. But some are hearing this for the first time. When mulling over the probability of a man being on the DL, ladies have to be fair. I know some sisters who think every man she meets is gay. Ladies…just because a man likes a nice manicure every once in a while does not mean he is gay. Or does it? *side eyes dude next to me*. But we all have that one friend who thinks every man is gay. Mine is Faith. Faith has outed more men than E. Lynn Harris. Faith every man ain’t gay! Then you have those women who have no gaydar whatsoever. These ladies proudly date suspect men, with no clue as to the fact that he is more interested in her handbag collection, than in her pocketbook. Sister your man is reading O magazine and watching Lifetime…while the game is on. He’s gay. Let your brother have him.

So, once you remove the black men who are in jail, in love with men, and in the closet out of your dating pool…things are beginning to thin out significantly. Then you have to go ahead and weed out those who spend most of their time weeded out. *sprays Oust and rolls eyes*. I don’t put it out there so bluntly with the white women. I tell them something like, “then you have the group of men who aren’t really doing anything with themselves, who aren’t really on your level”. They usually like that one…because they can relate. Our ghetto = their trailer park. White people think they can take any ghetto scenario and aptly apply it to the trailer park community. True or not, they usually need no explanation for this group of men. Regardless of race, all women have a group they would not consider dating. Now some ladies lists can get a bit silly and oddly specific, but for the most part we want a fella who has a job, a car, half a brain, an actual personality, the ability to have an intellectual conversation, knows proper etiquette just in case he ever needs to use it, etc. Plainly, there is a group of men sistah’s would prefer not to date. Y’all know that group and y’all know why.

I explain to the white women, once you remove these groups you have a very small pool of men to pick from. But this is not the problem. The problem is on the flip side. Black men have a VERY large group of black women to choose from. And honey, these women are bad (I explain that this is one of those instances where bad means good). Since there is an influx of eligible black women to choose from, black men typically don’t have to choose at all. Let’s say you happened upon an awesome shoe sale. Why pick one pair, when you can have three? If all three pair feel good and look good…most would chose to take all three home…and wear them at different times. This is typically what black men do. I know you brothers are mad because I am making generalizations…but I am talking rules…not exceptions. And sisters don't even trip.  Cause you all know 1st hand what I mean.  Now, I know there are some damn good brothers out there…but a lot of you are already married. Oh, heck that’s another category. I never thought to share that one with the white women…married men who date. *room goes quiet*. Yeah, y’all know there are some out there. But since I never considered them, I don’t want to start improvising here. In conclusion, you have about 7 eligible sistahs for every 3 eligible bruthas. So, they can take all the time they want in manning up and picking their wives. So no, I am not getting that ring for Christmas…but thanks for asking Becky!

FYI: Sense of humor required. This is a satirical look at dating choices for today's African American woman, however I am aware that these scenarios may apply to any woman regardless of race.