I have BIG news (for those of you who have been residing under a rock)...BEYONCE. HAS. A. TUMBLR. Yesssssssssssss girl….Bey has posted over 3000 photos from her personal archives. Okay…maybe there aren’t 3000 per say, but there might as well be. I feel like there are that many (in my heart). The notoriously private Beyonce’ Giselle Knowles has given us Stans/fans yet another amazing glimpse into her personal life. It’s the greatest Easter miracle! Okay, second greatest.
You can see all sorts of photos of me and Bey on vacation, me rubbing her pregnant belly, us just talking…hanging out…ya know, just being sisters. Oh, my bad…that’s Solange, not me. Tomato, tomatoe.
In any event, I took the liberty of compiling a list of singers Bey’s Tumblr just sh*tted on...and outsold.
Those who Bey did it on: Ciara (sorry CiCi this is business, love you tho), Keri Hilson (f*ck Keri Hilson!), Christina Milian, Cassie (Puff asked me to add you), Monica (okay not you girl…I like you), Brandy, Keyshia Cole (although I must say I do not want it with you girl), Ashanti (who??), Fantasia (I don’t feel bad about adding you to the list because I know you can’t read this)…and all the rest of you runners-up…bow down…kiss the ring…curtsy…do whatever the f*ck you mere mortals do when in the presence of greatness…cause she’s back. Queen Bey gave you hoes 9 months to challenge her thrown. And you did absolutely nothing with it.
Bey tried to told you she was “strong enough to bare the children…then get back to business!” She was warning you tired floozies. But no…you didn’t listen. So, whatever happens from this day forth…remember, you brought this on yourselves. And I mean, she is not even technically back yet. How you let a chick assassinate your relevance whilst on maternity leave?! Ya’ll weak!
Smooches!
S/O to The Queen Bey, the Honey Beys, the Digger Beys, the Bumble Beys and the Never Gonna Be Beys.
Note: Even though Mary J. is shucking and jiving in that chicken commercial, I wouldn’t dare add her to the list of hoes Bey is effortlessly slayin‘. I am crazy…but I am not THAT cray. I didn’t add A. Keys either. I like her. Even tho she pissed me off with that Swizz Beatz stuff. But hell, Mashonda wasn’t in the studio with him making them beats! I didn’t add Rihanna either because I am not only a Stan, I am also in the Navy. Anyone else I didn’t add to the list was excluded in error. Hi haters (aka wasps)!
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| Bey being Bey |
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