Girl Bye


I don't know how late I am...but apparently Melody Thornton *hears 'WHO!?' from crowd* - (the black chick from Pussycat Dolls)- took to Twitter to accuse Ciara of jacking her alleged swagger.  Girl stop.  If you had a swagger...Ciara wouldn't bother jacking it.  And little girl how dare you...we all know Bey was the 1st to grab her ponytail in a bytch please stance.  I know you dare not go at Bey...but really you are out of line for even addressing Ciara via the Twitters.  You need to stay in your place...and now that you aren't in PCD anymore...I'm not sure where that even is.  I mean...you're cute in that racially ambiguous type of way...and apparently you have enough talent to be a glorified back up singer/dancer...but you have to know when you have aimed to high pookie. Don't let it happen again. Thx, MGT.

Of course Ciara's psycho Stans immediately attacked Melody and she recanted. Speaking of Stans...BOOM!


Do Buffalos Have Wings?

Jessica Simpson comes up short
Oh Jess. We’ve had some really good times. Which is why I put this off as long as possible. But, after the stunt you pulled on Project Runway I can no longer turn a blind eye. Admittedly, I’ve been a little angry with you since the divorce. I never understood why you filed in the first place. But that’s not why we’re here today. I supported you when did your little beauty around the world show…I (almost) bought some of your clip in weave…and I laughed behind your back instead of in your face when they said you were a Cowboys’ curse. I even bought a pair of your shoes…which proves I’m clearly over any feelings I may have been harboring since the divorce. But, I have been silent far too long...

First of all, you’re in a safe place. Everyone here loves you. Jess, I understand being on the losing end of the battle of the bulge. So, I’m not here to attack your recent weight gain or your obvious falling out with the gym. However, I would like to point out that you're a mere 5’3” and don’t have much room for expansion. Anyway, I have come here today to discuss your fashion sense…and perhaps to question your common sense. For whatever reason you’ve decided to go it alone without the help of a stylist. I disagree with this decision, but there’s not much I can do about it. Now, we’re in a good place with your shoe and handbag selection…but the rest of your dress game is what we like to call “a hot mess“. In your defense, when you were a teensy bit smaller (say 20 lbs) you mainly wore underwear and bikinis…so clothes are new to you. Since I don’t like to complain without bringing a solution to the table, I’ve taken the liberty of putting together a little checklist for you. Go ahead and take a look at this before leaving the house…

If I take 3 consecutive steps, will I break a bone?
Gentle Reminder: If so, your dress too long. The answer is NOT higher heels.

If wearing separates…do I have on bottoms?
Gentle Reminder: Pants are your friend.

Do I have on high-waist pants?
Gentle Reminder: Not ALL pants are your friend.

Do I look 10-15 lbs bigger than I am?
Gentle Reminder: We are going for flattery not fattery.

Have I lost my mind?
Gentle Reminder: If you have to think about it…start over.


Roman Zolanksi: Diary of a Mad Woman


Minaj in obvious mental distress

Loudmouthed, over the top, offensive T&A, with a rainbow coif. Apparently, it isn’t enough for Nicki Minaj to run around acting like a Dragon Ball Z character. She has grown bored with starring in her current role as side show freak of the female rap game. And as it often does, this boredom has spawned the birth of an alter ego. I thought Nicki Minaj WAS her alter ego. She needs no additions to this circus act. Just when you thought you had seen enough to know you have seen too much…in walks “Roman Zolanski“. Isn’t an alter ego supposed to be another side to someone…a departure from what most people already know? But wait…Roman isn’t like that at all. She’s just Nicki Minaj on a sugar bender after a series of B-12 shots, on day 2 of a 3 day acid-trip. Roman is Nicki on steriods.

I just listened to Roman’s new song with Eminem. Frankly, I was a bit frightened. She talked mostly of breathing like a dragon, then fired about 12 shots at Lil Kim. She broke off from her “I’m younger, hotter, better and more relevant in rap” rant to go into her British accent she likes to pull out on special occasions. I wonder what Roman Zolanski looks like. How will we be able to decipher her from Minaj? Does she wear clothes that fit and match? Does she make socially acceptable facial expressions? Does the carpet match the curtains all of a sudden? Does she speak at an agreeable decibel? I mean, how is she different? I need to know. Honestly, I blame Beyonce Knowles-Carter for this. All that Sasha Fierce nonsense has folks bugging out. Apparently Roman or Nicki or whomever has an album dropping later this month that will answer the unsolved mystery of the alter ego. Stay tuned…

I'm not a psycho, I just play one in real life
Editor’s Note: I love love love Nicki Minaj - and can’t stand the fact that I do. I’m still not sure why I can‘t get enough of this loon. She's a marketing genius. I swear Wayne is writing her rhymes. I refuse to accept that she just might be this psychotically awesome all on her own accord. I won’t stoop so low as to buy her album or anything crazy like that…but I do plan to download it off the interwebs like any true closet fan would. I can’t wait to hear it. *said in a guttural tone through clenched teeth a la Nicki style*