I Knew It Would Come to This!


Apparently you can teach your embryo to read for the low, low price of $51.99. Parents are all over this one. But in my not so humble opinion, this is one of the scariest innovations I have seen in a long time. I am not sure why I am so freaked out by it. Something just doesn't seem right. A reading fetus? I kid, I kid. But seriously folks, some of these kiddos can barely talk...correction: some of them can't even talk...all they can do it point at the physical form of whatever word they just read! It's not right I tell ya. I mean, why should a one year old know how to read? What good will it do? It will almost always lead to trouble for anyone around them. Watch! Think of all the capers that will most certainly ensue. A reading baby! What's next...a black president? *teehee* Ever notice in the "info-mercial" the kid is always reading in the dark or some awkward, inappropriate setting? It all seems so hush hush and low key. Like the parents know it's odd, so they have to sneak and teach their baby to read. We all know knowledge = power. You want to give your babies this much power? They will rule the roost! Lack of privacy will be at an all time high. If these little braniacs can read, they can spell. Remember the good old days when any respectable parent could have a highly inappropriate conversation with their kid right there in the room? Ahh the joy of spelling out words around those who can't spell. It's America's favorite pastime is what it is. Using someone's lack of knowledge as an opportunity to take advantage of them...well, it's the American way. Now they want to take this pleasure away from us adults? What are we supposed to do now? Wait until the kids are not around to tell the story of how Jane's husband walked in on her having s-e-x with the pool boy? No way! They just sold us all down the river. And for 52 bucks? Catastrophic! And medicine cabinets across the nation will never be safe again. I'll tell you that much. Go ahead and forget about trying to put child safety locks on them. All the baby Einstein has to do is read the directions on how to work around them! Next, Junior will be at Sunday School telling everyone how mommy found a box of something called "Trojans" in daddy's car. Is this what you want? Or your infant ruining little Shlomo's bris with the untimely tale of while rummaging through her personals, he happened upon a bottle of Valtrex under his older sister's bed. To do lists, journals and diaries will be forced into extinction. And your IMs and text messages are as good as read. You'll be a prisoner in your own home. All because you wanted Madeline to have a jump on pre-K. This is sure to ruin Christmas. How you ask? Well, I haven't quite worked out the logistics of this thing yet. But you mark my word...if Christmas is indeed ruined, a literate 16 month old will be the culprit! Remember back in our day, when a child was to be seen and not heard. I think our parents were on to something. You people always want to rush things. Then look back and wonder where the time went. Little Ethan is sure to embarrass you through this reading foolishness. You just wait and see.

Is this the life you want for yourself? If so, order today!


Changing The Game


As most people with a tv, radio, or internet access know, last season the CW decided to call timeout on The Game. I know legions of viewers who watched religiously. All of whom were pissed to the highest of pisstivity when they heard the news. Petitions were signed...hissy fits were thrown...and accusations were made. But when it was all said and done, the CW had the final word - after all money talks. Despite speculations of foul play from conspiracy theorists and die hard fans alike, the channel cited slipping ratings as "one of the reasons" they were letting The Game go. So, they tossed it aside and introduced a whole slew of new shows for their Fall lineup. One of which is called The Beautiful Life. Or shall I saw was. That's right folks, after only TWO measly episodes, the CW has cancelled the show. Produced by Ashton Kutcher and starring a few heavy hitters like Mischa Barton and Elle Macpherson, The Beautiful Life was supposed to be the next big thing. Guess things weren't so pretty after all. Frick! It just chaps my hide that they axed The Game and one of their new shows failed so miserably. The Beautiful Life only got 1 million viewers in its second week. That must have been the exact moment the CW decided The Beautiful Life was dying an ugly death. It is the first show of the season to be cancelled. And I can't help but think the CW really screwed the pooch on this one. Pooch Hall to be exact...along with Tia Mowry and the rest of the cast of The Game. Only time will tell how the CWs other shows do. I hear the vampire one is doing well. But I ask you, what vampire show wouldn't do well on the heels of the MANIA known as Twilight? It's a no brainer. Their also betting on 90210 and Melrose Place (which has also had low ratings thus far) to keep them afloat in the land of television relevancy. Wait? Did I really just say that? 90210 and Melrose Place. *scratches head* Hey CW...1994 called...they want their lineup back! *rolls eyes*


Allow me to reintroduce myself...

Hey young world. I've been toying with the notion of giving this blogging business a go. So, here I am. Of course I have NaN followers to date, but I will corner all my friends until they give. Unsure of where to begin, I asked Regis if I could phone a friend. Friend said "an intro would be nice". So, an intro it is. I am a VERY random thinker...so hold on tight...this may be a bumpy, nonsensical ride!

Oh...before this thing pops off...I am a pecker...no, not a d*ck....I peck...as in my typing skills are quite unorthodox. Now, my pecking game is quite beastly...but since Mavis Beacon told me to kick rocks back in '82, I tend to have a surplus of typos. Get used to it. I like to blame it on the iPhone (and/or the alcohol) whenever possible...but I can't at this juncture. So let the record state I iz not dumb...just too arrogantly oblivious to review and revise. My Journalism professors would be so proud. Now that that's out of the way, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

I am a single black female, addicted to retail (and complex carbohydrates). Hailing from the great state of Texas, USA (in case thing thing goes worldwide). I love what I like and I loathe what I don't. There isn't much middle ground with me. I tend to be overly passionate and have an opinion about almost everything. I am almost always 100% honest (60% of the time, it works every time) which is a gift and a curse. I speak without thinking...and always out of turn. When people 1st meet me they think I am a BIA....if i had a nickel for every time someone said, "I didn't like you when I first met you...but you are a really nice girl"...I would have $626.82

I'd like to give you a flavor for what you are dealing with here...so let's go over a few things I like...and a few things I am hoping will vanish by the end of this entry.

Things I Like (aka things I am absolutely obsessed with):
-One Miss Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter (this is a hate Bey free blog. You will be banished if you say 1 ill word) + her hubby....
-Saying "what a douche"...and charting a man's level of douchery...on a scale of Von Dutch to Christian Audigier.
-Rachel Zoe...I die! And Brad...currently loving Brad. (Tay-Tay would fall in the list below).
-Sex and the City...Carrie Bradshaw...what more can I say? The show had more sex and puns than the law should allow...and I loved every minute of it! He broke up with me on a POST IT!
-Lounging (defined as watching DVR in my undies)
-Sorority Life...it's an obsession is what it is....
-Law & Order (SVU only)
-Quoting movies. Do I smell an upcoming blog of best movie lines ever? *sniff sniff* Perhaps....

Things I am not feeling (aka I cannot stand the following):
-This recession...I have committed to being a frugalista...but dammit it is cramping my style!
-Street teams (give it a rest with the fliers!)
-When people throw Glitter in Mariah's face. Let the girl die of shame on the inside in peace!
-"Brangelina" (I mean what exactly is it that they are doing?). Now, here is where it gets complicated...I like Angelina...I like Brad...but together...not so much.
-The Latin J.Lo...remember when she dated Puffy...and she was real black and street (you know STREET)....that's the J. Lo I like...big booty bandanna rockin Jenny from the Boogie down Bronx.
-When people say "I like to have fun"....MF who doesn't? Sit down!
-Octomom...makes me want to barf...and buy Trojans.
-Cheaters (no, not the show...that would fall under things I love for $200 Alex...I hate ppl who cheat - but not on tests...just on other people...ya dig?)
-People who treat animals better than people (this will be the topic of a blog...I fall victim to this too)
-"the stories" aka soap operas...who needs them?
-court TV *falls asleep*

On the Fence about:
-Any song the 1st time I hear it
-The quiet, maternal Nicole Richie
-Jessica Simpson post Nick Lachey
-What REALLY happened b/t Perez Hilton and ole dude from the Black Eyed Peas
-The Hills replacing Lauren with Kristin....only time will tell...oh, while we are on the subject...
-The City
-Cat people (LOL @ the fact that I used to have one)
-Rula's voice...do I hate it...or does it remind me of my own? Too soon to tell...

Since I am so big on words...you need to know that I love these words (in no particular order and for no particular reason):

1. lackadaisical
2. inconsequential
3. reciprocity
4. Catbert (yes the evil Director of HR)
5. dill weed (as in...you are a)
Honorable mention: Underoos

Not so big on these here words:
1. wheat germ
2. frothy
3. humble (when pronounced incorrectly as "umble")
4. vermin
5. nail bed

Well, I do realize most people stopped reading long ago. I have clearly made a mockery of the art of blogging with my shenanigans and mindless ramblings of nothingness. If you are still here, thanks for playing. You can fill out a survey to let me know if you enjoyed this. When you are finished, place the survey in the grey box under my desk marked trash. I'm outee Dee! See you around. Hope not sporadically!

This is a test...I repeat, this is a test. If this had been an actual emergency...well, we would all be in BIG trouble!